Jokes Galore
The Holiday Couple
A couple are coming back from their holidays and they're trying to
work out how they're going to smuggle the Skunk they picked up
for a very reasonable price at Skunks-R-Us through Customs.The husband suddenly comes up with an idea. He turns to his wife andsays "Put it down the front of your knickers".The wife looks shocked and asks "What about the smell?"The man replied " if it dies, it dies".
The Elephant Trunk
A man has an operation to lengthen his dick, which involved the
insertion of a baby elephants trunk. Two weeks later he is back in
action and he takes a young lady out to dinner. Halfway through the
meal his member pops out of his trousers, whips up onto the
table, grabs a bread roll and then disappears. The young lady didn't
believe her eyes, so she ignored it and continued with her meal.
Ten minutes later it happened again. This time she says, if I just saw
what I thought I saw, could you do it again please? And he
says, I'd like to lady but I don't think my arse can take another roll.
The Big Black Guy
A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a
huge black dude standing next to him. The big black dude
looks down upon the small white guy and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds,
20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown".
The small white guy faints !!The big black dude picks up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small white guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy says; "Excuse me but what did you say?". The big black dude looks down and says "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown". The small white guy says "Thank god, I thought you said 'Turn around'"
The Tattoo Parlour
A man went into a tatoo parlor and told the owner that he wanted a
tatoo of a $100 bill on his penis.
owner: Why?
man: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my $100 grow, and my wife can blow $100 on a moment's notice.
The little boy and the Grandfather
A little boy and his grandfather are walking together and the
Grandfather stops to buy a soda. The little boy asks " hey Grandpa can I have some of that soda?" The Grandfather responds, Is your dick long
enough to reach your asshole? The little boy say "NO" "then your not man enough to share my soda. The next day the grandfather gets a candy bar and again the little boy asks if he can have some angain the grandfather asks " is you dick long enough to reach your asshole. Again the little boy says "no" " then your not man enough to share my candy bar" says Grandpa. years later the boy grows up, he buys a lottery ticket when he and his grandpa go to the store to find out how the did. To his surprise the boy finds that he has won 10 million Dollars. Immediately the grandfather says "are you gonna share some of that with you grandpa?" the little boy responds, "Is you dick long enough to reach your asshole?" Why yes it is responds the grandfather" Good says the boy, Than you can go fuck yourself.
Two guys walk in to a bar
These two guys walk into a bar, and they've each got a black eye...The
bartender asks the first guy. "What happened to you?". The guy
responds "I had a slight mishap of words with my wife. We were getting plane tickets and the lady behind the terminal was REALLY good looking you see, and I accidentally said 'Two pickets to tits-burg please!' and I MEANT to say Two tickets to Pittsburgh!' and my wife hit me.."
The bartender looks at the second guy and asks. "And you?". The guy responds "I had a slight mishap of words also.. This morning, while I was eating breakfast, I meant to say 'Please pass the margarine' but instead, I accidentally said 'You stupid bitch, you ruined my life'..."